What is happening

I don't know what is happening. I went outside with my sister and as we were about to go and I put my leg out of the house, I felt weird.

       Let me tell you that I am not those perfect kinda girls who just go out and every eye turn around to get a glance of them. But I am of those girls who are always in the side of those beautiful girls that remains unnoticed. You know I don't really have any issues with not getting noticed. If people don't look at me,  I don't give a damn, and I go without even looking at anyone, in my own mood, my own world.

             But today i felt weird. I felt ugly. I felt like people will be watching me instead of that pretty girl (which in this case, is my sister)  and not because of looking at me and suddenly falling in love with me, but for laughing at me.

        There are so many days I feel very confident about me. I feel like I don't need anybody's acceptance to feel beautiful, to be happy but there are some days when I start complaining about everything like me being short, fat, pimple face, crooked teeth and this list goes on and on. And all I want to do is to kill myself.

         I think instagram and facebook pages or every other social site is making me feel more uncomfortable. Those women on instagram are perfect. Sometimes I think God has created them with his own hands taking all the time he could and that's why he didn't have the time for me so he just made something and send it on earth.
        Or I think I was made by one of his laziest assistant who didn't make any effort in making me . Well thank you God for this.

     
           I mean look at those girls. They have perfect bodies, perfect face, no pimples, perfect hair, perfect smile, perfect height and on top of that, they have money to buy those expensive dresses and shoes, and watches etc etc etc...
They go to many places as well. Like who gives them so much money. I think that the farthest I have been from my house is JODHPUR as I live in JAIPUR, that's all. I haven't even crossed the borders of Rajasthan and they seems to go every country by every passing day.

   I think I have to end here because If I won't it will never stop as today I am in my complaining mood. But now I feel Little good and calm by taking out the frustration that I have. But I want to ask you guys, are there any days when you feel low and feel like nothing is good and if you feel that, how do you cope with that.  Please let me know as I would like to know and use it for my life in order to feel beautiful. 
          

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